I used to dread mornings with Leah. The minute I woke up and went to check on her in her room I held my breath every morning hoping she made it through another night. The first thing I would do when I opened the door and peaked over her crib is check to see if she blinked her eye and if she did I knew she made it through another night. This is not a way for her mother to live. But ultimately, Leah has had very very sick days. Horrible nights full of seizures and most the time vomiting. And with the vomiting comes a huge risk of aspiration.
But things have changed! She has done quite a bit better with her nights. The seizures have been better and the vomiting has been better. I have noticed a change in me when I wake up. I can't wait to walk into her room. Yes, I still get slightly anxious but it's different now I have gotten a different morning scenario. Yes, I do check to make sure she made it through the night still slightly holding my breath but also I find myself kind of running to her crib to say hi to her. Before these last couple of weeks she always had a blank stare on her face and gave me no reaction when she saw me and at times I never really knew if she knew I was there because she never looks at me or reacts to me. Now, when I walk in her room something is different she turned slightly to look at me and the look on her face changes, she gives me full eye contact and she holds her gaze at me. Her facial expression is of pure happiness! Leah is happy to see me! It's still seems so not real! I can't believe it! She gives me smiles in the morning and she never stops looking at me with a happy look on her face. Please understand I never thought this day would come. It's truly amazing! I couldn't be happier!