"Now I can" therapy

 I know what you are thinking "what in the world does she have on?' This is as suit that has bungee cords on it so she has tension on her muscles at all times. The astronauts wear these under their space suits.

This is Sergio her physical therapist. He is so awesome with Leah.

 She usually cries the whole time. She is not in pain, she is just not familiar with her body feeling this way.

 This is called the spider cage. It helps her hold her head up and learn to sit up.

 WOW!!! She looks so frail. These are tension bandages to help opposing muscles relax.

Therapist say she works harder then most kids. 

Bladder Infection

Leah had a bladder infection a couple weeks ago. This is Leah's second bladder infection so Dr. Hornyik wanted Leah to get her bladder and kidneys checked at Primary Children's hospital. Her bladder was okay but kidney's needed to be looked at by a nephrologist. The doctor said her kidney's look like the result of being on the ketogenic diet. They are okay but need to be checked again in a few months. I take Leah in tomorrow to check to see if the antibiotic cleared up the infection.

Being Strong

I have people say how strong I am. I really don't consider myself a very strong person. I believe anyone can be strong with the right attitude and will power. Somedays I have it...somedays I don't. But I always fight to keep my head up!

Beautiful heartbreak

My very best friend Carisa emailed me this video. These words are exactly how I feel. My heartache turned my life into a beautiful view.

Sisters

Lauryn wanted me to post this song! It reminds her of her sister and the love she has for her. Lauryn had a special bond with her sister and she knows one day that bond will be back!

My kids asked us about death yesterday and I loved what Chad told them-

"Everybody dies, but not everybody
really lives".

Our love!

This song is so beautiful! It's called "Our love" by Paul Cardall.  The love in our family has been forever changed by this little girl. She truly has taught us how to love each other. This song reminds me of the strong love that is in our family.

Acceptance

Chad and I have experienced so many emotions this past year. A lot of the emotions are the stages of mourning. We have felt anger, bitterness, denial, sadness etc. I think we have now entered acceptance. It's a good place to be after feeling so much pain. At times the pain has been unbearable. But we know that this is the life that Leah was given. As much as we want a different life for her this is what's meant to be. We accept that! She is still very young and things can turn around for her but this is where she is at right now and it's going to be okay. We don't have answers and we don't know her future but we do know that God knows and we trust him. He knows what's best for her and we need to accept that! We love her and we will continue fighting for her to have the best life possible.

Teething...again!

This teething thing seriously stinks! Leah now is having many seizures a day because she is experiencing high fevers. Leah's fevers are high and very hard to bring down, I've never had a child like this. We are back to her being lethargic. She has stopped crying and moving again. So sad...I miss her smiles and laughter so much. Its been about two weeks now and I miss all the things she did before these teeth decided to come in. We hope she is better by next Monday September 17th, that's when she starts intense therapy!

Forgiveness

Forgiveness has been a long road for me. I have blamed myself for Leah's sickness for about the past eight months, a long eight months. It's been a very hard burden to carry. Blaming myself did nothing but tare me apart. As humans I think we feel like something or someone is to blame for anything that happens. But, there are accidents that no one is to blame. It took me a long time to learn this concept. I actually wanted to be blamed (I know that sounds stupid but until you have experienced what I have experienced you can't understand). I had a sick feeling inside to not give Leah her immunizations on Dec 30th 2011 and I ignored it, I thought I was just a scared mom not wanting my baby to get shots. I didn't know what to do and I didn't know why I was feeling sick inside. Chad and I talked the night before about her immunizations and we decided together to go ahead and do it.  I truly didn't know I was going to "loose" my baby that day and that those immunizations would change her life and our life forever. Everyone immunizes their kids! No one thinks that those shots are going to take their child away. So I proceeded to have her shots done still feeling yucky inside. Well...I forgive myself, for the first time I can say I forgive myself. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't my doctors fault. It was an accident! I will not let those feelings of blame enter my thoughts again. Those feelings are dark, damaging and make you feel trapped and alone. What a wonderful feeling to feel free and not carry such a heavy burden!

I choose to let it go!

Giggles!

Leah has giggled many times. Some giggles have been random, laughing at no one and some were us trying to make her laugh. We caught one on tape, I will cherish it forever! Please don't make fun of my laugh I was just so thrilled to make her laugh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amamBO7EVWI